For the lack of a better term I am using “Mental Issue,” M.I. for short, as a blanket term to describe what we have and deal with on a daily basis. I want to use “Issue” because I don’t want to call it an “Illness.”

Illness, to me anyway, implies that it can be cured, it’s something that you caught and didn’t have before. It’s a part of us, it’s in our DNA, and it’s something we didn’t choose to have but something we live with on a daily basis.

When our M.I. kicks in it’s called “An Episode.” An Episode of what? Are we a sitcom or drama that people sit back and watch? While it may certainly feel this way for non M.I.s, for those of us going through said “episode” it feels more like a storm. Comes on with little to no warning. A lot of huffing and puffing, with loud crashes of thunder. For this reason I will refer to them as Storms and not “Episodes.”

By talking we can begin healing and understanding on both
sides. Ask questions and listen to the answers, don’t judge, don’t speak, just listen.

Friday, May 13, 2016

My Semicolon

The Semicolon Tattoo is a movement that is supposed to symbolize your life is not over, your story is still being written.  For a writer this has multiple meaning for me.
When you see someone with a tattoo it means either they have or a loved one has attempted suicide at one point in their life.  There are many out there, many people share.  This, however, is mine.
The colors are the colors of the Joker.  He lives in chaos, he embraces his madness and his madness is my own. 
Purple is for power, creativity, wisdom, dignity, grandeur, devotion, pride, mystery, independence, and magic, of this there is no lacking.
Red is the color of fire and blood.  It is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination, passion, desire, and love. It is a very emotionally intense color.
Green is for prosperity, freshness, and progress.  The healing comes from this.
Blue is for trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and heaven. It’s another path to healing, balancing out the chaos of purple and red.
The yin yang is for the struggle inside of me, trying to balance life, the light with the darkness.  It’s the point that keeps me grounded or can send me to the edge.
The 4 points are like that of a compass.  It helps to guide me back to the center point of balance and keeps me on course in my life.
Finally, I choose four semicolons instead of just one to remind me of the four times in my life that I’ve attempted it.  The four times I’ve succumbed to the darkness and nearly ended it all.  To remind myself to never go there again.
I have always been afraid to tell anyone of these times, but silence does nothing to help myself or others.  Silence does not allow me or others to heal.  My demons are mine to battle and each conflict is far from easy.
“I am so tired,
Yet sleepless still,
These demons inside me
I’ve tried to kill,
Yet each stroke I take,
My own blood I spill.”
Spill no more, spill no more.

No comments:

Post a Comment