I was recently asked if I could please stop talking about suicide. They felt that I talk about the subject too much, and that I use the hashtags just as much, and that by my continuing to talk about suicide and suicide awareness, I will only encourage others to commit suicide themselves. They proceeded to tell me that they had a relative who committed suicide and that if it was not for people like me talking about it, they feel, that person would still be alive.
Not wanting to be insensitive, I just thanked them for the message. If I’m being completely honest, I did not have the mental strength needed for me to have that conversation with them, but now, instead of addressing them directly, I feel it is best if I just address the world. This will be my second attempt at this because I do not think I explained it well enough the first time. Also, this way everyone can understand why no matter how hard you try, no matter how many times you report me on social media, no matter how many vile nasty message I receive I will never stop talking about suicide and suicide awareness, not as long as I can still take a breathe.
My name is Max M. Power and I suffer from mental afflictions. I use “afflictions” because I personally refuse to call it an illness. To me an illness is something that can be cured and my afflictions can never be cured, no matter how much I wish it was possible. This is my personal beliefs and reasons why I use the verbiage that I do.
I was blessed with the ability to express myself through words. While I can create worlds for others to escape too, there are those who are trapped inside themselves and do not know if it’s even possible for their voices to be heard. They are, as I call them, lost inside.
I started Lost Inside for them.
I can only tell someone what I have personally experienced, which emotions are pulling me in twenty different directions, and how I handle them.
I have attempted suicide four times in my past before becoming an advocate for suicide awareness. Growing up I had always been told that I had to hide my afflictions. As a Latin male, I was not allowed to show emotions and that I had to be a man from a very young age. That was a lot of pressure to put on a kid.
I learned that not every negative can be fixed, nor do I want it to be sometimes, but releasing it into the universe means it no longer resides deep within our soul.
My message is not for everyone and that is okay. If you read my words and you do not understand them or if you think they are too dark and scare you, then they are not written for you. If they scare you, just imagine how much more frightening it is for those of us who live them. THAT is who my message is for. My words are meant to build a bridge between those who are afflicted and those who care for them that are trying to understand what their loved ones are going through.
If you are looking to “save me” I beg of you, please stop. You can not save someone who does not want to be saved. No matter what you think you can tell us about our emotions, just know that we are telling ourselves they same things, and are being much harder or ourselves than you ever could. I say this because, despite being a suicide awareness advocate and being an open shoulder for those who need it, I too stumble and fall, not heeding my own words.
In October of 2020, I attempted to take my own life for the fifth time in my life. I say this not to generate attention or sympathy for myself but to unburden anyone else out there who may be reading these words, feeling the weight of their emotions, and to remind them, they are not alone. My mission will always be to show those who suffer, as I do, that they are not alone.
By asking me to stop talking about suicide and suicide awareness you are causing more damage. By NOT talking about the subject you continue the negative stigma that surrounds mental health issues. You cause those of us dealing with these emotions to hide them, to feel ashamed of ourselves for having these emotions, and have us crumble under the weight of these emotions. I have heard too many times, “Why didn’t they just tell me they were feeling this way?” The answer to that is they wanted to, but someone told them they shouldn’t talk about suicide… at all!
My books Lost Inside and Let It Be are free to anyone who wants them. You can visit my website, lostinside.info for more information on who I am and what I do. If you want to speak to me directly, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will answer anything you wish to know. Now please stop asking me to stop doing what I do, because all you are doing is denying access to those who may need to read my messages.