For the lack of a better term I am using “Mental Issue,” M.I. for short, as a blanket term to describe what we have and deal with on a daily basis. I want to use “Issue” because I don’t want to call it an “Illness.”

Illness, to me anyway, implies that it can be cured, it’s something that you caught and didn’t have before. It’s a part of us, it’s in our DNA, and it’s something we didn’t choose to have but something we live with on a daily basis.

When our M.I. kicks in it’s called “An Episode.” An Episode of what? Are we a sitcom or drama that people sit back and watch? While it may certainly feel this way for non M.I.s, for those of us going through said “episode” it feels more like a storm. Comes on with little to no warning. A lot of huffing and puffing, with loud crashes of thunder. For this reason I will refer to them as Storms and not “Episodes.”

By talking we can begin healing and understanding on both
sides. Ask questions and listen to the answers, don’t judge, don’t speak, just listen.



Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Shut up. No one cares.

 
I'm a very passionate person.  When I get excited about something you can easily tell.  My inner nerd comes out.  I start rattling off, my tone becomes lighter, my skin begins to glow with excitement.  I geek out as I talk about whatever set me off.
Then I slam into the side of a mountain as my anxiety takes over, repeating a voice from my childhood.
"Shut up. No one cares."
Those five words, no matter how excited I am, can destroy me in an instant.  And that's why I stop talking and walk away.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Battling Anxiety

 
This is what it feels like when you go out into the world, when you live with anxiety.  It attacks you from more than one angle and it truly is a battle each time.

Monday, April 23, 2018

True Insanity

 
Inside I'm screaming
But only silence remains.
Nothing can escape
My soul is insane.
 
No one can hear the deafening silence of the madness within.  That is what drives a person insane.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

The Monster Within

 
A monster cares not
For the lives he destroys
Their souls I will devour
I am a monster, a very bad boy.
 
Often times we will warn someone of our true nature, the beast we fight to keep locked up deep inside out soul.  You should listen, for it may not appear often, but the monster is there, lying in wait.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Hating the World

 
Those dark thoughts, those harsh emotions, they can break a person down.  It is a fight to continue forward.  To keep going takes a strength that drains our soul.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Succumbing to the Night

 
My demons
I can no longer fight.
I've given up,
Succumbed to the night.
 
I belong to them,
They are in control.
I have lost.
I have no soul.
 
This is what it feels like when the darkness surrounds us, embraces us, consumes us whole.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Fake Smile

 
Most people do not want to see someone who is hurting or in pain... so we fake a smile to make them feel better about themselves.  The pain is still very much real and does not go away.  You can see it in our eyes, if you would only just look.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Dying Alone

I've never been afraid of death. More times than not I actually welcome it.  What scares me the most is dying while being alone.